Spread of HIV in Malaysia
Refer to page 102 and complete Task B.
I have read your essays and the major problem among most of you is your language. I'm sure you are aware that they only way to improve in your language is to use it. Do speak, read and WRITE more to improve. REMEMBER, as i mentioned in class during our first meeting; ENGLISH IS THE FUNDAMENTAL OF ALL SUBJECTS. IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT! :)
Do have a look at the sample answer for this particular question.
The pie chart above shows the spread of HIV in Malaysia from year 1990 till 2000. Each slice represents the percentage of HIV spread carried by different groups of people. From the pie chart, factory workers show the highest percentage of spreading the disease with 41% while the lowest are students with only one percent, thus showing a difference of 40%. The chart shows that factory workers contribute most to the spread of HIV in Malaysia. Their working environment contributes to this trend because most factory workers work in shifts which, encourages sexual freedom among them. This is due to the lack of awareness among them on how HIV can spread. Students on the other hand have the lowest percentage because at their age, their actions are very much controlled by their parents. (136 words)
I have read your essays and the major problem among most of you is your language. I'm sure you are aware that they only way to improve in your language is to use it. Do speak, read and WRITE more to improve. REMEMBER, as i mentioned in class during our first meeting; ENGLISH IS THE FUNDAMENTAL OF ALL SUBJECTS. IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT! :)
Do have a look at the sample answer for this particular question.
The pie chart above shows the spread of HIV in Malaysia from year 1990 till 2000. Each slice represents the percentage of HIV spread carried by different groups of people. From the pie chart, factory workers show the highest percentage of spreading the disease with 41% while the lowest are students with only one percent, thus showing a difference of 40%. The chart shows that factory workers contribute most to the spread of HIV in Malaysia. Their working environment contributes to this trend because most factory workers work in shifts which, encourages sexual freedom among them. This is due to the lack of awareness among them on how HIV can spread. Students on the other hand have the lowest percentage because at their age, their actions are very much controlled by their parents. (136 words)
posted by scorpioneo at 10:42 AM
22 Comments:
Candy, do remember that using parentheses () in essay writing would only be appropriate whenever you want to explain something further, for example "Micheal, my nephew (who is the son of my eldest sister) came over to my house last Saturday". For such a sentence above, it's alright to use the parentheses. Also, when you use words that show degree, such as "highest", you should not use the word "most" as "highest" already means "most". Thus, using 'most' in front of 'highest would be redundant.
Que Yee,
Please look at this phrase that you have written below:
"In my opinion, factory workers has the highest percentages in this case is because the possibility for them to get injure is higher. Besides, most of the third class people infect HIV through blood transfusion. However, student is the least because they are educated. They had learned ways of HIV spread and how to avoid from infected."
Do you think that these reasons are valid reasons to explain the trend of the pie chart? Are you sure that factory workers have higher percentages of getting hurt? What do you mean by that? It's very vague (unclear). Try thinking of other reasons. Do you really think that students are least infected with HIV because they are aware of what HIV is or is it because of other reasons? Do think about it and share it with us here.
CM,
It's better to start your introduction sentence they way Que Yee has, it's short and simple. Remember, they key to writing good essays are always keeping them simple. CM, do read the comments i've written for Que Yee. Do think of other reasons to support your points.
The pie chart shows the spread of HIV in Malaysia .from year 1990 to year2000.from the pie chart , according to the pie chart the highest percentage of the factor is factory worker 41%.and the lowest is students which is only one percent .in my opinion factory worker become highest HIV victims because they are lack of sex education leading them to ignore the dangerous of HIV. Beside that some of factory worker are working at night during the night shift ,and this help them to do their “project” .Compare to students ,students have more awareness about the HIV viruses from their teachers .On other hand students are lay stay on their academics achievement .
The pie chart shows the Spread of HIV in Malaysia from year 1999 to 2000.Due to the chart, we know that the highest percentage of spreading HIV in Malaysia is the factory workers. Besides, the lowest percentage is among the students. One fact that cause the factory workers the highest is their education background. There is only those the person who do not get a higher education will work as a factory worker. They don’t have the knowledge about the HIV and surely won’t know how the HIV virus spread out. Another fact is on their working environment. The factory workers always have to work in different shift. Those who work in the night shift will have the freedom to do anything without the conscious of the supervisor because the supervisor also not in a very conscious condition because of sleepy.
i am from PM 12.
The pie chart is about the spread of HIV in Malaysia in years 1999-2000.The highest percentage of the spread of HIV is the factory workers,41%.The student is the lowest percentage of spread the HIV in Malaysia which is just 1%.The factor that cause the factory workers being highest percentage of spreading HIV is about education. They didn’t know the basic knowledge about HIV, such as what HIV is and how HIV spread to the others. It is different among the student. The reason is the student has the information about HIV. Although, they did not know what HIV is, a group of nurse from hospital will go over the school and held a talk about HIV. As my conclusion, government has the responsibility to let the public know about HIV by showing at the television or hanging a banner that shows date and time for public to attends the talk.(pm 11)thx ms jessy
The pie chart below shown the percentage spread of HIV in Malaysia from 1999-2000.The factory workers gain the highest percentage which is 41% while the least is students who only gain 1% of the total.Besides students and factory worker,homosexuals,sex workers,uniformed personnel,housewives,long-distance drivers and foreigners also contribute in the spread of HIV.The first factor which cause HIV spreading is unprotected sexual activity.These sexual activity which have not proper safety equipment lets virus HIV spread directly via spearms and ovum during the sex-activity.In addition,sharing needles of drug abuse and receiving transfusions of blood or other infected product may also cause the spread of HIV.In conclusion,targeted HIV counseling and testing campaigms should be held to have a significant impact on future HIV incidence.
PM11
The pie chart shows that the percentage of the spread of HIV in Malaysia in 1990-2000.Within that year, the highest rate is factory workers with the majority of 41% from the chart.The second highst rate of the HIV in Malaysia is foreigners with 18% follow
with long-distance drivers with 14% and housewives 11%.The reason why the factory workers is the most highest percentages because most of the factory workers not enough knowledge’s especially about sex.So, both men and women have sex without any knowledge’s about the “safe sex”and they didn’t aware that they having sex before marriage.The second highest percentages are the foreigners with 18% who spread the HIV in Malaysia because most of the foreigners were very open minded than Malaysian citizens.The students gets the lowest rate because they have the knowledge’s mostly about how to take care of their health.the government should make a big campaign about the deadly virus HIV that is affecting human being.
(PM13)
The pie chart shows the spread of HIV in Malaysia from year 1990 until 2000.
According to the pie chart, the highest percentage for the spread of HIV is the factory workers, 41% and the lowest percentage for the spread of HIV is the student.
From my analyzing, the factory workers is the highest because their social life. They do not have good education and their minded very closed about the sex. If their have education, I think may be they learn about how to protect and they suppose to know about HIV and sex. Beside thats, sometime factory workers they really desperate for their life. They need more money so they use the short ways, without thinking many times. Furthermore, they work for many hour and they shift in midnight. So, the risk to do that very high. Compared to the student, they still young and most of them they still stay with their family. Because of that, the percentage to have HIV very low. Beside thats, as the students most of them they learn about the dangerous of HIV. So,they will afraid to try and to do that. Moreover, I think most student may be they know how to protect and they know about sex. So,I hope to all teenager their know to think good and bad things and to all peoples give your support to the government to protect this country from HIV. Last but not least, to handle this problems, I suggest to all parents to be more open minded about this issue and they have to tell about sex and HIV. (PM13)
This pie chart highlights the Spread of HIV in Malaysia from the year of 1990 to the year of 2002. According to the pie chart, we can see that factory workers in Malaysia reach the highest percentage of spreading HIV in Malaysia that is 42%.
From my opinion, I think factory workers are the highest is because they don’t have enough education. Besides that, workers that work in factory are dangerous because there are a lot machines in every factories. It’s easy for them to get hurt. As we know, HIV can spread from blood to blood.
The lowest percentage of spreading HIV in Malaysia is students that only have 4% throughout the society in Malaysia. From my point of view, I think students have the lowest percentage is because all of them are educated. All most all students in Malaysia study about sex and they also having sex education in school.
To put it in a nutshell, I hope government will launch some campaigns about the spreading of HIV in Malaysia so that the society in Malaysia will be awareness and more careful. Besides that, it can also reduces the percentage of spreading HIV in Malaysia.
PM13
The pie chart showed the percentage of people that spread the HIV in Malaysia from the year of 1990 until 2000.The highest percentage of people who contributed to the "Spread Of HIV In Malaysia" was the factory workers that is 41% in a mean while the lowest percentage in the pie chart was the student that is 1%.From here,we can see the main factor of the HIV to be spread in Malaysia is because the factory workers are lack of knowledge in knowing about how the HIV can be spread while the student in the school have been introduced about HIV since they are in primary school.The major factor that produce more HIV in Malaysia was the attitude of the mankind.Certain people know that HIV was the most dangerous sickness and can bring them to death but because of their attitude,this will make them drown in the hell of HIV.Moreover, by the time they want to help themselves,they are too late because there are no way back.In conclusion,the goverment should have more campaign on "Spread Of HIV In Malaysia".Besides that,to all the foreigners they should have their body check before enter this country.In this way,the percentage of HIV in Malaysia will be decrease easily.
dear miss jessy,
i'm sorry to submit my essay late coz i'm busy with my other assignment.Hope that u are not angry.....besides that i hope u gave comment to my essay coz i want to know wat is my mistakes in essay...hope that u be honest to tell...dun worry i can accept any mistakes on my essay but juz want honesty...tat's all.thanx>>> miss jessy
The pie chart shows the spread of HIV in Malaysia from year 1999 to 2000. As what shown in the chart, HIV spread the most among the factory workers. They are 41% of them. Followed by the factory workers are foreigners 18%, long distance drivers 14%, housewives 11%, homosexuals 6%, uniform personnel 5%, sex workers 4%, and student 1%. There are many factors that can cause the spread of HIV. One of the main factors is the Malaysian lack of knowledge of the spread of HIV and also sex education. This is because the Malaysian are not exposed to sex education and infected through unprotected sexual relation. Another one factor that can cause the spread of HIV is sharing injecting equipment with someone who has the virus. The virus can be passed by sharing needles, syringes, spoons, filters, and water. Disinfecting equipment between used can reduce the chance of transmission but doesn’t eliminate it. As a conclusion, avoiding HIV as easy as abstain becomes faithful.
The pie chart shows the spread of HIV in Malaysia from year 1999 to 2000. As what shown in the chart, HIV spread the most among the factory workers. They are 41% of them. Followed by the factory workers are foreigners 18%, long distance drivers 14%, housewives 11%, homosexuals 6%, uniform personnel 5%, sex workers 4%, and student 1%. There are many factors that can cause the spread of HIV. One of the main factors is the Malaysian lack of knowledge of the spread of HIV and also sex education. This is because the Malaysian are not exposed to sex education and infected through unprotected sexual relation. Another one factor that can cause the spread of HIV is sharing injecting equipment with someone who has the virus. The virus can be passed by sharing needles, syringes, spoons, filters, and water. Disinfecting equipment between used can reduce the chance of transmission but doesn’t eliminate it. As a conclusion, avoiding HIV as easy as abstain becomes faithful.
PM11
Hi I-Ying
According from the pei chart (it's should be "According to the pie chart"), we can know that the percent ("percentage") of the spread of HIV in Malaysia ("throughout") 1990-2000. ("It is noted that")factory workers ("hold") the highest ("percentage") with 41%. ("This is because they lack awareness on how HIV is spread, thus practising unsafe sex and having multiple partners.") They will be the highest maybe is bcoz of the mostly the factory workers have the lower education so that they can't understand at all what the HIV so that they also didn;t mentioan anythings they do is not a "safe sex" so that the HIV be spread more easy. The lowest percentage will be the students, it is because the students are get much knowledge about HIV, so that they will always doing the safe sex" for advoid themselves from infected (This is not a very logical reason as students would still have unprotected sex for the fun of it even though they are aware of how HIV is spread. A better reason would be to show that they are under constant guidance and control of their parents, thus, they do not have the opportunity to get involved in sexual activities.) So that the goverment should have more campaign for giving more education about the HIV, it will help to decrease the spreding of HIV. ( you do not need a conclusion for information transfer type of essays).
Dear Students,
Referring to Alex's essay, it would not be inappropriate to use this phrase, "In my encouragement, factory workers has the highest percentages spread HIV in Malaysia because they didn’t have a good education on the knowledge of HIV." It should not be "in my encouragement" but it should be, "in my opinion..." Encouragement means giving emotional support or help to someone who needs it. Hope that clears things for your Alex.
blinkygal
The opening of your essay from the introduction to the comparison/trend section is superb. However, you would have to rethink the reasons. Continue reading what others have written. I will eventually give an example of the essay.
green colour PM11
Referring this phrase, "The lowest percentage will be the students, which is I percent. This terrible condition is because more and more students are become drug addicts by influence of friends. When they are share needles during intravenous drug use, they are easily to disease the HIV and able to spread the HIV to others people", you are actually contradicting the fact that students hold the lowest percentage in spreading the disease. You are actually giving a reason that shows why students actually help spread the disease. YOu must however, find a reason that shows why students hold the lowest percentage in spreading the disease.
evet@pm11
For this type of writing, you do not need a conclusion as i have mentioned in class today. Make sure you include logical reasons to support the data.
hi ivan
Do make sure you write you essay in one paragraph yeah.
My dear students,
I've noticed that almost all of you gave the same reasons to explain the trend of the chart. Would anyone be able to give some other logical reasons?
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